Don’t Play Small.

While 2020 seemed to be a hard year for a lot of people, it paled in comparison to the year I had in 2019. To me, 2019 marked a year of suffering the death of my marriage, the death of some close friendships and battling with a lot of self-loathing and resentment towards other people. The year of 2019 was certainly a year of survival and self-preservation. In hindsight, I’m grateful for that year, as I took a lot of lessons away, which proved to be beneficial in 2020.

For me, 2020 was a year of recovery, bouncing back and staying afloat. I spent a lot of time going inward, focusing on self-love, forgiveness, not judging (or at least trying not to), and trying my best to be someone I am proud of. A lot of loved ones around me had really tough years. I struggled with this, as being an empath, I take on others’ emotions and hardships. This forced me to constantly reshift my focus back to things I can control and work on being as positive as possible – knowing that practicing anything else was not great for my mental state. Obviously with everything that happened this year, some days were harder than others.

Around this time every year, like many people, I’m sure, I think about what the next twelve months might have in store. What do I want to accomplish? What do I want to work on? While I have a couple of goals that I will keep to myself, my mind keeps gravitating back to the saying, “Don’t play small.” I don’t know where I heard it or when I heard it, but if I’ve learned anything in the last couple of years, it is to pay attention. So with anything that pops into my head, I swish it around, let it marinate and think about what it means to me in my world right now.

I often reflect on people whom I respect and admire the most. The one thing these people have in common is they don’t play small. They don’t participate in gossip or tear others down. They are happy for others’ successes. They help those in need. They don’t judge. They are kind. They apologize when they are wrong. They forgive when they are wronged and do not harbor resentment. They set boundaries. They respect themselves. They do not claim to be perfect. They set goals. They seek information and knowledge. They do not take themselves too seriously. They live outside their comfort zones and go after their dreams even if it means people may laugh at them. They are brave. They are humble. They are open minded. 

While all of these attributes are a tall order, it is something I am striving for this year. So when I do find myself judging or a pang of jealousy or resentment starts to rear its ugly head or negative self-talk is whispering in my ear, I am going to repeat to myself, “Don’t play small”.