You Can’t Feed Yourself By Taping A Sandwich To Your Head.

I thought of a few different titles for this one:

For Fuck’s Sake

Triggered.

Enough.

Success.

A friend of mine posted something the other day that gave me pause. The statement is as follows:

“Emotions are the result of incomplete awareness.”

I read that. And then read it again. And man do I fucking love that.  

The book, The Four Agreements discusses the idea that if you are feeling triggered by something, explore it, because most likely it has something to do with you having unresolved issues internally. 

After reading The Four Agreements, I put this into practice and without fail, every time I am triggered by something, I go inward and ask myself, “why does this bother me so much?”

I put this into practice, once again, yesterday when I saw an ad for a women’s conference. The caption read:

“Be the kind of woman that makes other women want to up their game.”

IMMEDIATELY, I saw red.  WHAT. IN.THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

I am still in mid-processing mode of why this bothers me so much. 

We live in a very image driven society. To make matters worse, I work in a very image driven industry. Mass media pushes the concept that success is solely based on making money. This is true for both men and women, however, given that I am, in fact, a woman, this is from a woman’s perspective. I would, however, argue the case could be made for every person regardless of gender. 

This ad is toxic on so many levels. Again, solely from a woman’s perspective (but applicable to any gender), society puts so much pressure on us to be more, go to the next level, look better, skinner, prettier, achieve more!

Jesus H. Christ.

Enough.

You.

Are.

Enough.

How about we focus on being good people. How about we focus on taking care of our mental health so depression and suicide aren’t at all time highs.

I have a conversation with a friend at least once a week who is exhausted and they feel like they are never enough.

Candidly, sometimes this conversation is with myself. 

I have increasingly felt society should reframe it’s idealogy of what success is. The dictionary defines success as: 

the accomplishmentof an aim or purpose.

Nowhere does the definition of success say to live in a mansion and own a boat.

I could give a fuck about your mansion.

Are you a good person?

When I am met with someone whose sole focus is to make more, buy more, have more – I instantly feel sorry for them.

Keeping up with the Jones is a real thing. Thankfully, as I’ve gotten older the power of “Keeping up with the Joneses” has worn off and typically I am able to see it for what it is. Bullshit.

The Jones on the surface have it all. You dig deeper, guess what? Mr. Jones has an addiction issue, Mrs. Jones is depressed and lonely, they’re up to their eyeballs in debt, and the kids have anxiety and so on. Welcome to life. Keeping up with the Jones is a spoonful of bullshit.  

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy nice things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having nice things or making money. I work hard and love what I do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. Where I take issue is when that’s ALL you’re focused on. MORE MORE MORE. And you have zero concept of anyone around you and your level of self awareness is zero. 

There was a period of time where I let my job consume me. My relationship with friends, family and, most importantly, myself suffered. I went through a divorce and did a LOT of introspection. I still do. I am constantly looking inward. Which again, when I saw this ad yesterday and I had this visceral reaction, my first question was to myself as to is why did this bother me so much.

All I can think of is that was my mentality once upon a time and it was toxic. And I was miserable. I don’t wish that upon anyone – man or woman. I started shifting my priorities. I started surrounding myself with people that felt good for my soul. Friends and family. I started expanding my priorities outside of just “stuff” or accomplishments.

The people I am drawn to are the kind ones, the authentic ones, the helpers. My heart hurts when I speak to my friends – typically younger – who think the ultimate goal is to be rich (monetarily). Ok, then what? In their mind, “Well then I’ll be happy.”

If you’re not happy now, no amount of money will make you happy. Happiness does NOT… I repeat DOES NOT come from money. Some of the wealthiest people I know are the most miserable. Making yourself happy by buying things is like feeding yourself by taping a sandwich to your head. 

Congratulations, you have a sandwich taped to your head. 

And you’re still hungry.