Run From The Universe.

I was awoken this morning around 3am by the sound of Bub throwing up. After cleaning it up and coming back to bed, it was then I realized  – in all her 15 year old glory – Coco had peed the bed. I got up, stripped the bed and went to go sleep on the couch where all three dogs followed me. I prayed all of my dogs’ bodily fluids would stay in-tact for the night so I could get some sleep. The joys of dog ownership. 

Yesterday was a bit of a tough day where I had a friend communicate to me they found my presence in their life negative and I didn’t make them feel good. That was a bit of a blow and one that gave me a lot of pause. I’m still mulling it over as I never want to be the reason someone doesn’t feel good. In times like this, I do a lot of self reflection and ask myself how I could be better. Sometimes, it’s the other person’s stuff, sometimes it’s on me, most times it’s a combination of the two.

Unfortunately, I can’t control how others feel – I’ve tried. While I’ve done a lot of work around it and it’s not as important to me as it once was, what people think of me matters. I try very hard to not take things personally (it’s the second agreement in the book, The Four Agreements), but in a situation like this, how can you not? All I can do is control how I handle myself and better myself.

This morning I didn’t really feel like being around people so instead of going to the gym like I normally do, I decided to go for a run and attempt to do my favorite six mile loop. I always feel better mentally after running. It gives me space from the outside world, my phone, work, and time to just think. 

I set out and ten minutes into my run, my headphones died. Fuck. Running without music is my idea of dying a thousand deaths by papercut. I have never been able to run without music. Historically, I’d give up and either walk or turn around and call it. Today wasn’t that day because I know how badly I needed this. So I just kept taking it one step at a time and focusing on my breathing and my pace. Much like how I’ve been looking at life in the last four years. Paying attention to sounds and sights that I normally don’t get to appreciate when I’m zoned out by music. It was certainly a different experience and not nearly as miserable as I thought it would be. 

Definitely a few things carried me through. Recent conversations with friends about their struggles with things like cancer, loved ones with substance abuse issues, marriage problems, illness and/or deaths in their families and a bunch of other shit that happens in life. It gave me pause and gratitude that these people felt comfortable enough to share their stories with me. If they could go through difficult things like this, I could get through something petty like a run without music.

I ran by a for sale sign of one of my mentors’ listings. This person hasn’t just been my mentor professionally, but also spiritually. She is a huge reason – if not THE reason – I became spiritual in the last four years. Ten minutes later when I was running over a bridge and the wind gusts were blowing against me and I was about to give up and start walking, she drove by me and we both waved enthusiastically. Man, did I need that hug from the universe at that exact moment. In times where I’m strugglng this is the kind of stuff that pulls me through. I emphatically stand by there are no such things as coincidences. 

I finished the run without stopping and I did it in a minute shorter than the last time I did it. 

Call me heebie jeebie or a nut, but I believe this morning’s run was from the universe.