Single For Life?

As many of you know, I have been pretty public about my adventures in online dating as of recently. No one I know enjoys it – I certainly don’t, but I am trying to put my best foot forward and put a comedic spin on this. Anyone who has participated in this incredible sociological experiment can attest to the hilariousness that comes with it. 

For the most part, you’re going through these profiles and saying to yourself – at least I am – “Is this real?” – so sharing these stories with people feels a lot less lonely when others can join you on the, “oh ya, I’ve been there it’s ridiculous”. So at least I know, “Ok, it’s not just me”. 

Then when you actually do match with someone, you have to start with small talk – which if you know me at all – which the majority of you don’t – I have a visceral reaction to small talk. I’d rather poke my eye out with a thousand tiny needles than converse about, “So what do you like to do on the weekends, Joe?” – On the contrary, if you start off by telling me you have a foot fetish (or anything of the sort), that’s a hard pass, but thanks for applying.

What I’ve discovered through this venture so far, is we’re all ridiculous – men, women. We’re all hopeless. 

I think after a certain age, when it comes to dating – or anything for that matter – we’re set in our ways and we have a threshold of what we will or will not put up with. There are things I would have tolerated in my 20s that I absolutely would not tolerate in my 40s. 

Ahem…

Substance abuse:

20’s : “oh he just dabbles once in a while.”  

Now: “Fuck that.”

Verbal Abuse:

20s: “Oh he was just having a bad day.”

Now: “Fuck that.”

Lack of Ambition

20s: “Oh he’s still figuring himself out.”

Now: “Fuck that.”

And on and on and on.

Now, to my detriment, I am also very stuck in my ways. I am particular and some may even say picky (bad spellers and cat guys need not apply), I work a lot, I love my job, I’m incredibly independent, I don’t need to be saved and I sure as hell don’t want to save someone. I don’t need a relationship – I would like a relationship very much, but it will have to be the right person. 

I got divorced three years ago and I am still very good friends with my ex-husband. Some dudes have an issue with that- if that’s the case – that’s a non-starter because insecurity is not sexy in my book. For the most part, I am very secure in who I am. I am socially awkward at times, but god damn it I own it.

I’ve dated on and off since my divorce – some lovely guys that were the right ones for someone else – and some not so lovely guys (hello anger management, I’ve got one for you…).

I’ve debated as to whether or not I put all this out there about something so personal such as relationships. It came to my attention in the last couple of days that online dating or dating in general is a personal hot topic amongst people and you all have a lot (of apparently really funny things) to say. I like to consider myself pretty open about the personal stuff and if it’s something others can relate to and find enjoyment in, then why not. Most everything in life I approach from a comedic standpoint – and as previously mentioned in a post, if I have to go through this agony, I may as well entertain people as I go.

Cheers.