The Man I Want To Marry.

My first boyfriend was Jonathan Cooper at the mature age of three. I even remember announcing it at the dinner table, “I am marrying Jonathan Cooper!”

Imagine? I REMEMBER announcing my engagement to Jonathan Cooper at age THREE.

I don’t believe Jonathan Cooper was aware of the plan, but that didn’t matter to me. I was IN LOVE!

Until Eric Swenson came along at age 4 and then he became the object of my heart’s desire. Laura Thompson and I used to discuss which one of us would get to marry him. We alternated days because that seemed like the fair thing to do.

The list of boys I had crushes on growing up was extensive. I would devour romantic comedies and my belly did flips when the main characters got together at the end. 

I couldn’t wait to meet my Jake Ryan. My Johnny Castle. Or whatever random rat pack movie I was watching. 

THIS IS HOW IT GOES, PEOPLE!!!

I had a closing the other day where one of my clients was a sweet elderly man in his 90s, Bob. At the end of the closing Bob gently leaned over and whispered to me,

“Why is a young lady like you not married?”

I have a soft spot in my heart for the elderly. Not dissimilar to the attribute children encompass, they are very direct with their questions. My favorite people are the direct ones. Children do this because they don’t know any better. My guess is elderly people do it, because they don’t have time to waste and they’ve learned “what’s the point? just get to it”.

If you know me at all, I don’t like wasting time either. Those who know me best know I am unapologetically direct. I am kind – but direct. When I see this in other people, I am instantly enamored. 

I had a choice of two directions in how to respond to Bob’s inquiry. As most can imagine, being asked this question is not cut and dried. But assuming Bob didn’t want to waste time, I gave him the short version.

“I just haven’t found the right one yet.”

He nodded, but the look on his face suggested, “I still don’t get it, but ok.”

In actuality, I have found a couple of right ones. I have met some fantastic men in my life- the right ones for where I was in my life at the time. My ex-husband, to this day, is still one of my best friends. Another ex-boyfriend is another best friend. Some people are in awe of this and don’t understand – and that’s ok – it’s not for them to understand. All I know is I am grateful for the perfect places they hold in my life. 

While I have heard over and over again from some of my lovely single lady friends, there are just no good guys out there, I whole-heartedly disagree.

There are plenty.

I have done a lot of introspection about romantic relationships, especially in the last couple of years. What I keep coming back to is, it’s hard to be happy with someone if you’re not happy with yourself. I don’t think Bob would have been able to understand that if I told him. And even if he did, I didn’t have the energy to go into it at the closing table.

So while growing up, I was so fixated on waiting for my happily ever after with the man of my dreams like all the romantic comedies I watched as a kid, that plan has shifted a little bit. Rather than waiting, I started making my own plans. 

Working towards (and accomplishing) goals that make me happy – goals which don’t involve a relationship. 

There are still days that are a complete and total shit show, because that’s life and life can be really fucking hard some days. But, I would argue, for the most part I’ve established a wonderful life which I am pretty content with. I’m certainly not opposed to dating – I am actually more open to it now than I’ve been in a long time, but that may be because I have become the man I want to marry.

And she’s pretty great.