All The Single Ladies – Put Your Hands Up.

I’ve shied away from the topic of my relationship status on social media for a while now outside of writing about my divorce.

Since as far back I can remember – literally age 4 – a relationship or finding love had always been at the forefront of my brain. My first boyfriend was Jonathan Cooper at age 3, then my crush for years to follow was a boy named Eric. I always had crushes growing up – it made life seem more interesting. Every year in grade school was someone different. I lived vicariously through romantic comedies – Sixteen Candles, Pretty In Pink, When Harry Met Sally, My Best Friend’s Wedding, and a multitude of others where the guy gets the girl or the girl gets the guy. 

I didn’t date a ton in junior high or high school, but I had a couple of boyfriends – nothing serious. I dated a guy throughout college and we parted ways shortly after. Then there was the on again off again guy in my 20s – pretty sure we all have one of those.

I remember when I was 29, I went to a good friend’s bridal shower. I was the only woman there not engaged, married, or pregnant. I was single. I just finished grad school and had recently bought a house. With those two accomplishments in mind, I was feeling pretty good about myself going into the party. 

That feeling came to an abrupt halt when I found myself in a circle of acquaintances attempting to make polite conversation. “So, Lexi are you dating anyone?”

“Nope, I’m single.”

In what, I’m sure, was an effort to try and make me feel better (about something I actually felt ok about), the conversation quickly took an awkward turn, “Well, that’s ok! You’ll find someone!”

**Facepalm**

Since then, it has always been fascinating to me people’s need to make sure people get matched up. I went on to meet and marry a wonderful man whom I later divorced. He is still a wonderful man and one of my best friends who is now dating a lovely woman.

When my friend, Ryan, came to visit me last year, I posted a couple of pictures of us and my phone blew up. Several friends texted me.

“Who is that?!!?!”
“He’s gay.”

I did recently get out of a year long relationship with another great guy. No drama, just didn’t work out.
Yesterday was my first day off in, no exaggeration, four months. To say I was excited was an understatement. I got up, went to the gym, walked the dogs, did laundry, cleaned. You know, the real exciting stuff. But then I fell into this period of loneliness. I’ve been marinating over where it came from ever since.

I actually like my solitude quite a bit. I recharge in moments of quiet. My dogs keep me company and I never have to worry about them talking too much. They don’t leave dirty dishes in the sink or leave the toilet seat up or scatter their dirty socks everywhere. They truly are dream boyfriends. Well, Petey is.  

I was at Target yesterday picking up some things and avoiding the woman’s clothing section. I meandered over to the jewelry section and noticed a fake engagement ring. I was so close to buying it, putting it on and snapping a picture and changing my relationship status on Facebook to engaged to really fuck with people.  

I’m still really considering it. I’m thinking about doing an experiment of dating myself. Being in a relationship with myself sounds devine. I get to do what I want, watch what I want, eat what I want, go where I want, with who I want, whenever I want. I have to always pick up the check, but that’s ok.

I was talking with my friend Ryan earlier today about the feeling of loneliness I was surprised by yesterday and he shared this little snippit with me that I thought I’d share.

All the single ladies – put your hands up.