A Million Different People.

Would you believe all three of these people are the same person? I laugh hard when I look at these photos because of the severe contrast.

I can now look at the photo of me as a little girl on the left with glasses and teeth situation, bless my heart, and think I WAS actually adorable. At the time, and in comparison to all the cute, outgoing little girls with no glasses who all the boys chased on the playground, I was quiet and shy Lexi. I was sweet and nice to everyone and minded my own business. But THIS is the person I am inside my head 99% of the time. This is the girl I go back to time and time again when I’m uncomfortable.  

In these moments of discomfort, I go inside and silently speak to her and say “you got this” and give myself a pep talk. As cheesy as it is, we’ve all still got that inner child, whether you realize it or not. 

I have learned to be grateful for that little girl, because I think it allowed me to sit back and observe. If you haven’t seen the movie, “Shallow Hal”, I urge you to watch it. It’s a comedy featuring Jack Black and has some crude humor, however, the premise behind it is heartwarming and is one of my favorite movies. If you haven’t watched it, the main character is hypnotized into seeing people’s inner beauty portrayed on the outside. He falls in love with a heavy set woman, but sees her as Gwenyth Paltrow. He starts to see people for their inner beauty and alternatively, he also sees people for their inner ugliness.

I think because as a little girl, I wasn’t “the pretty or popular one”, I was able to sit back and observe people on an objective basis. Were they kind? How did they treat others? Did they treat some people better than others based on popularity? It gave me a very low tolerance for bullying of any kind and to (try to) treat everyone the same. I give much credit to my parents for raising both me and my brother to be kind people and to stick up for those who can’t stick up for themselves. To this day, I still have a visceral reaction when I hear of bullying of any kind and that is probably the source of me always rooting for the underdog. I know what it’s like to be picked on.

I majored in communication and psychology in college. I love figuring out what makes people tick.  As I got older, I realized bullying wasn’t just about that person being an asshole. If anything, that person needed more kindness than anyone. I realized the meaner a person was, it was proportionate to their insecurity. What causes this insecurity is anyone’s guess and we’ve all got our own issues. We all face jerks in our lives. Some days you are the jerk. I know there are plenty of days where I am the jerk.

 I think understanding this correlation between meanness and insecurity allowed me a certain level of ironic confidence. That ironic confidence is what makes me post ugly selfies of myself to bring joy to others. I KNOW other people can relate to “Oh god, I don’t want that picture of me where I look terrible posted. Where’s the filtered one of me looking glamorous?! THAT’S the person I want to portray to everyone!”

 A wonderful thing happened not too long when I posted an unflattering selfie. Others joined in in posting unflattering selfies of themselves. I want to be one of those people to make others feel comfortable with themselves. I want people to get along and see and accept each other’s differences. I want people to understand how much we have to learn from others. I want others  to know as much as we’re different, we’re all very much the same in that we’re all a million different people.