The Underdog.

(Preface – this one isn’t nearly as organized as I would like it to be, but for some reason this morning, I felt a strong inclination to share this one. My guess is it’s because at least one person reading it may get something out of it).

A couple of years ago when I was going through my divorce, I was grasping at straws and desperately trying to gain inner peace. I delved into “the universe” and I really have not looked back since then. It helped me gain perspective from a completely different angle. There are still, of course, days where I need to remind myself not to get caught in the minutiae and everything we encounter is some sort of lesson. While I wouldn’t say I have “achieved inner peace”, I am significantly closer to it than I was two years ago. 

During this time, a friend recommended I go see “a healer’ she had had good experiences with. Anyone who knew me two years ago, knew “the me then would roll my eyes and say “oh god, what bullshit.” But, I was at a “jesus, take the wheel” time in my life. So, I went.

The healer – we’ll call her Sue – had me lay down on a table and close my eyes. Sue started chiming chimes and it was taking all my strength not to belt out laughing. I didn’t and I thought I was doing a good job of keeping it together until I heard Sue stop and say “for this to work, I need you to take this seriously.” 

Busted.

So, I pulled it together and just lay still. What happened next shook me and has stayed with me and most likely will forever. She said, “Tell me about your birth story. I’m getting a sense there was something traumatic that happened.” 

I posted a while ago about my being born with a genetic condition that came as a surprise to everyone when I was born. I had to have a surgery when I was six weeks old. Sue informed me – at six weeks old – when I was on the operating table my soul left my body. 

“Well, no it wasn’t a life or death situation.” I explained.

“Your soul left your body.” Sue delicately reiterated and continued, “And at six weeks old, your soul had to make the decision whether to go or to stay. And obviously you stayed. That’s a lot to deal with at six weeks old”

I started bawling my eyes out.

Next session with Sue:

“What happened when you were eight years old?” Sue had me on the table doing her chime-y stuff

Internally I said to myself, “Fuck.”

My family moved across town when I was eight years old. While we stayed in the same town, it meant I had to change schools and change friends. At the time, I was excited because while I did need to change schools, my best friend since I was two years old and had gone to summer camp with since, went to this school. My parents even arranged so I could be in her class. However, when I arrived on the first day, it quickly became obvious that friend had made a new best friend and my eight year old self was shattered. I recall my third grade teacher had given our class an assignment to write about our best friends and then we would share with the class. My friend’s paper was not about me.

As I was telling Sue this story, tears streamed down my face. Actually, as I sit here typing this, tears are welling up, because I don’t think until that moment, I realized what a profound time in my life that was.  

Sue asked, “What did you need? What did you need at that time when you were eight years old?”   

Without really giving it much thought, the words, “I needed a friend” quietly came out of my mouth.

As far back as I can remember – my guess is since I was eight – I have always been drawn to the underdog. I have always had a strong urge to help those who may feel lost or a step behind – in a sense trying to go back and help that eight year old girl who needed a friend.

(I have adopted three shelter dogs. All pitbulls. All dogs who needed a friend, in a sense. I don’t think that’s a coincidence, either.)     

So when I say the last couple of years I have learned to look at things through a different lense, this is what I mean.

Can you think of any profound moments in your life that may have caused you to act the way you do or draw you to things you’re drawn to?