Blinders.

I revisited a docuseries recently because it was so good the first time I watched it a few years ago. If you have not watched “The Defiant Ones”, the story of Jimmy Lovine and Dr. Dre, I highly recommend it.

For anyone who has no idea who I am talking about, the docuseries is described as follows: 

“A four-part documentary series that tells the stories of Jimmy Iovine and Dr. Dre — one the son of a Brooklyn longshoreman, the other straight out of Compton — their improbable partnership and surprising leading roles in a series of transformative events in contemporary culture.”

In one of the episodes, they used the analogy of putting race horse blinders on and to just “go” as part of their road to success.

This has analogy has been circulating in my brain since I watched it most recently. 

When doing a quick google search, this is what popped up:

“Why do they put blinders on a race horse?
The blinders cover the rear vision of the horse, forcing it to look only in a forward direction and keeping it on track. Blinders are also useful to reduce the chances of the horse being spooked and making a run for it while still attached to the wagon.”

I kept re-reading this and the only word that came to my mind was “wow.”

If this isn’t an amazing life analogy, I don’t know what is.

I think most people could argue, a lot of us do certain things, because “that’s what we’re supposed to do.”

Go to school, get a job, get married, start a family, buy a house and so on.

Maybe not in that particular order, but some iteration of it. Any detour off this track, you run the risk of judgment, because that’s “not what you’re supposed to do.”

It’s not in the rule book that you get a divorce, or switch jobs ten times, or struggle to have children, or deal with a debilitating addiction, or any other of life’s “inconveniences”. Those aren’t in the rule book. But like it or not, shit happens to all of us. ALL of us.

I have written quite a bit about my failures. I’m thankful for all of them, although they certainly were no joyride to go through. However, what they did do was teach me perspective, to (try really hard) not to judge other people and their circumstances, and no matter what you do, you’re not going to please everyone.

Ricky Nelson’s lyrics to Garden Party popped into my head:

But it’s all right now
I learned my lesson well
You see ya can’t please everyone
So ya got to please yourself

I had a conversation recently with a good friend. She is going through a divorce. I wanted to say “messy” in front of it, but for anyone that’s been through a divorce “messy” goes without saying. They’re always messy – no matter how kind and loving people you both may be – divorce is never a pleasant thing. One of a million things divorce taught me was how lonely an experience it can be and how to be a friend to someone going through one. Every situation is different, but in my conversations with people there is a commonality. People surprise you. In both the most pleasant and unpleasant ways. Your heart is already broken and some people don’t understand your fragility so they kick you while you’re down. Not necessarily because they’re bad people, they just don’t know. And that’s their journey.

My friend is experiencing this part of divorce. So, I thought of the blinders analogy and asked her “Do you know how race horses wear blinders during races? The blinders cover the rear vision of the horse, forcing it to look only in a forward direction and keeping it on track. So, put on your blinders.”

For anyone going through a shitstorm right now – or frankly, any of life’s inconveniences – put on your blinders and just. Fucking. Go.