The Feast.

It’s 6:00am as I type this and I am looking at my house in complete disarray. There are tools strewn across the kitchen, the dishwasher is in the middle of the room, and plastic tarp drapes over the new butcher block countertop. I just stepped on something sharp on my way up the green carpeted stairs to make my coffee in the bathroom because there is no water on the first floor. The bathroom has wallpaper half torn down.

I live a life of glamour, people.

There is not one project in this house that has not been started. Floors need to be finished, walls need to be painted, toilets need to be installed. To say I am overwhelmed is an understatement. When I receive texts from friends saying, “Wow, the place really looks like it’s coming along!” It takes every fiber of my being not to laugh maniacally.

This moment of looking at my disaster of an abode made me think back to when I was 25.  I had just quit (before I could get fired) from my job working at an advertising agency for telling my boss he was the reason our company morale was so low. Ah, to be young again. While well-meaning, I’m sure, it didn’t help that my parents were panicked for me when I told them I quit. Their response was, “What now?!” 

(Unbeknownst to me until many years of therapy later, this was the reason I didn’t let them in on my big life changes. I didn’t tell them what I was planning until after I pulled the trigger and I was at a point of no return. Big things like buying houses, changing jobs, and so on).

After quitting my advertising job, I found myself working with a temp agency working random and soulless job assignments during the week and working part-time at Planet Fitness on the weekends making $8.00/hr. When the temp agency didn’t have any assignments for me, I went to the library to send out resumes to black hole after black hole on the library computer.   

It was truly a high point in my life. That is sarcasm for those scratching their heads right now. I felt stuck and like my life was at a dead end that I would never recover from. I remember sitting on the floor in the kitchen of my two bedroom apartment that I shared with a good friend. My roommate was gone for the evening and I was on the phone with my best friend since junior high, Ryan. He had moved to New York and continued to do great things while I was working two jobs (kind of) to make ends meet and hanging out in the library sending resumes in my spare time. I was sobbing on the phone with him in dire straits.

I vividly remember this conversation and what he told me. He said, “Lex, think of it this way. It’s like you’re planning this amazing feast. You’re chopping all the ingredients and getting everything prepared. It’s going to take some time before it’s done. Things need to simmer and cook. And it’s not quite ready yet. But when it is, it will be amazing. So right now, you’re simmering. You’re not done yet – You just need to be patient. Because when you get there, it will be perfect and delicious and amazing.”   

Ryan knew food analogies always made me feel better. 

All joking aside, this did make me feel better. I knew I was destined for better things than sending out resumes in a library and working temp jobs. Every time I started to get down on myself, I thought of that conversation and reminded myself, I was simmering and this wasn’t “it”. I wasn’t done.

That $8.00 an hour weekend job at Planet Fitness led to a 5 year career with that company, where by the time I left, I was overseeing the operations of 18 corporate stores. During my time there, I had put myself through grad school (one class at a time) and received my MBA and Masters in Organizational Leadership (debt free) while working full time and taking classes at night. 

There were still more failures ahead of that period that led to where I am now. And I have no doubt there will be more stumbling blocks ahead. That’s life. Hopefully my days of sending out resumes in a public library are far behind me, but as I look upon my house in complete shambles, I go back to that conversation with Ryan of my preparing a feast. 

It’s not quite ready yet, but when it is, it will be perfect and delicious and amazing.