You Better Marry Rich.

I remember as a kid, driving along the NH Seacoast in Rye (Route 1A for those familiar with the area) with a family member and saying “I’m going to live here someday.”

“You better marry rich.” 

While the response to my declaration was innocently intended, it resounded in my head. 

Quietly to myself I said, “Fuck that.”

I have always been a very pragmatic person. I’ve always had a type A personality. I have been a self-proclaimed control freak until life circumstances knocked me on my ass and I was forced to let go control. I started to understand the more I tried controlling things, the more things were pushed back on me. While the pragmatic side of me always believed we’re in control of our own destiny, the heebie jeebie side of me thinks there’s a plan for all of us – how we get there is our choice, but ultimately what’s meant to be will be. We choose certain paths to go down, but circumstances outside of our control guide us to what is meant to be. 

You’re on crack, Lexi. 

Perhaps, but that’s just what I believe. Ironically, once I started adopting this mindset, things started to flow a little more easily. I started being less judgmental (it’s still there, just muted), I started to be more accepting of what comes my way – good and bad – understanding  (or at least trying to understand) things just are the way they are sometimes. My life still comes with some temper tantrums and outbursts from time to time, but after a couple of deep breaths (sometimes over a couple of days) of resignation, it passes and as mentioned in previous posts, I try to find the lesson.

Another wackadoo element I believe in is manifesting. We all do it, whether you realize it or not. We manifest good stuff and bad stuff. I truly believe the power of the mind is an incredible thing. You ever pay attention to where your energy goes that’s what manifests? Think of something you wanted – a degree, a car, a house, winning a body building competition? That’s manifesting. Worry about something happening so much and it does?

Poof. Manifesting. 

About two years ago I started paying way more attention to the idea of manifesting. I have told several of my friends the story I’m about to tell. Those who know me best were shocked to hear the words I was saying because of how pragmatic I have always been. I’m pretty sure some (all?) of them thought I was losing it, given that I was in the process of a divorce and arguably the worst time in my life. I can’t say I blame them as I had questioned my own sanity, especially hearing the words come out of my own mouth every time I shared this story. 

When you hit rock bottom, there is a moment of “Jesus, take the wheel.” At least for me there was. I remember lying in bed at 5pm crying uncontrollably and just so tired of being sad. I’m not religious, but this is the moment I can pinpoint where I became what I consider “spiritual”. 
I have always been of the mindset where if you don’t like your situation, do something about it. In tough times in my life previously, I always gravitated towards gratitude and focusing on everything I was grateful for. Although my life felt like a shitstorm, there was still a tremendous amount to be grateful for even though some days I felt like I had to dig deep.

 I came across this podcast that talked about manifesting. Candidly, I was embarrassed to be listening to it and thought to myself “Jesus, Lexi – this is where we are right now?” But, I had some drive time ahead of me and no one else was with me, so what the hell?

I’m paraphrasing, but the gist of the podcast was to put something out to the universe and you’ll see it. The host used the example of yellow vehicles. So I did just that.

 “Ok, Universe, I want to see yellow vehicles.” I conceded. 

No joke, within the next ten minutes I saw four school buses, five construction trucks, one yellow car and one WB Mason truck. I rolled my eyes and still thought it was bullshit, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it gave me food for thought.

During this time period, I started the habit of journaling every morning. In continuing the experiment, I tried thinking of something that would be hard to see during this time of year. It was January. I wrote “Today, I’m going to manifest rainbows.” 

All day goes by – no rainbow. “See? Total bullshit” I thought to myself. The next morning, I’m re-reading the journal entry I had written the day before and AS I am reading the line “Today, I’m going to manifest rainbows” I looked to the left of my computer screen and the way the sun was reflecting off the screen formed a rainbow. 

“Fuck.” 

I still didn’t buy it. So, I wrote I wanted to see a cardinal. Where the hell am I going to see a cardinal in January?

The house I was staying at at the time had a three season porch. There was no reason for me to go out there, but I felt the urge to go out there anyway. I look up and there is a thermometer with a picture of a cardinal on it.

I did this exercise again with a pink rose and a gold duck and a couple of other things and finally I just started believing in really weird things. Although my world was upside down, it gave me something positive to focus on.  . 

I also started seeing the number “444” everywhere – license plates, phone numbers, the time, prices and so on. When I looked up the meaning of 444, it meant guidance and protection. That was enough for me. Even if it was the placebo effect – at this time in my life, I’d take anything that just gave me some relief.

I still see 444 everywhere and I look at it as a little hug from the universe – especially on days where my head feels like it’s going to explode. 

Fun story and aside about 444:   For those who don’t follow me on Facebook (and for those who do, you may remember), I almost got stuck in New Zealand at the onslaught of COVID. My flight back from New Zealand was Flight 444. “Guidance and protection?” Me thinks so.

I don’t push manifesting or Law of Attraction on people because I still subscribe to the thought of people have to find what works for them. I have found this works for me and helps me keep my own inner peace. I’m happy to share this story with people because most days I’m still shocked that this is an actual thing. I find it magical, humbling, hilarious and frankly, incredibly fun.

A few weeks ago, I randomly ran a house search for homes available in Rye, NH on my computer. One caught my eye that I fell in love with at first sight.

Two days later, I went under contract on that house. I’m happy and excited to report in ten days I close on the house of my dreams where I will be living a half a mile from where that conversation with my well-intentioned relative transpired more than 30 years ago along the NH Seacoast in Rye. And with no husband, rich or otherwise, to boot.

So do I believe in manifesting? You betcha.