Judgment.

The dictionary defines judgment as “the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.”

Judgmental is defined as “having or displaying an excessively critical point of view.”

Fine line, right?

I challenge everyone to look inwardly right now. Stop what you’re doing and think of something that boils your blood. Gets you heated. Triggers you.
Have you thought to ask yourself, why? “Why does this make me so mad?” Chances are your first response may be very surface level. Dig deeper and ask again “why?”. And deeper… and deeper.

I can only speak for myself, but in my experience, when I have practiced this exercise, the root of the problem is usually me, or my judging, or lack of seeing something from a 360 degree perspective.

I believe there has never been a better time to self-reflect than now. If everyone had just a tiny bit more self awareness than they currently do, I truly believe the world would be a better, kinder, more understanding place. Rarely is any issue or topic black and white.

I’ll use the topic of relationships (I’m staying away from anything COVID and/or politically related because frankly, I don’t have it in me to open up that dumpster fire can of worms. I still think that holds relevance to this post, but you’re on your own to build your connection to that one).

I openly admit that prior to my divorce, I was a significantly more judgmental person than I am now. If a friend confided in me about something another friend or their significant other did that bothered them, I thought being a good friend was jumping on their side and confirming they were in the right and the other party was in the wrong. I always appreciated this when other friends did this for me because it validated my emotions. In hindsight, it never actually helped the situation. It just added more fuel to the fire. Bottomline, it wasn’t productive.

Fast forward through two of the hardest years of my life and being the subject of a lot of people judging a situation they know nothing about, but thought they did. I have found myself taking a lot more pause and, I believe, have become a significantly less judgmental person. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still human and still have my days where I jump to a “what an asshat” knee jerk response. But, now, more often than not, when I have a friend who confides in me about a less than desirable situation they’re dealing with or need to vent about, I try to defuse more than pour fire on it.

I have found, by trying to understand the other person’s side or point of view and asking questions, rather than make assumptive statements, the conversation ends with the friend being softer or less angry. I now appreciate when friends challenge me in this way when I go to confide in them.

If you’ve made it to the end of this post, my guess is you may already be self aware enough to practice this already and for that, I thank you. If you’ve made it to the end of this post and this isn’t something you already practice, but I’ve given you some food for thought, I thank you for being open-minded enough to take it into consideration. We’re all a work in progress.